the lines we'll retrace
by Gabs
Summary: Post-11x02. To nobody's surprise, Tony finds his way to Gibbs' basement first. (T/Z)


Another episode tag, as I continue working through my own feelings. Tony seemed to be accepting, but you know he's gotta be conflicted about it anyway...

* * *

Despite the late hour, Gibbs wasn't surprised when he heard his front door creak open slowly, and a set of heavy footsteps move into the kitchen. He'd left a cold beer on the kitchen table on his last trip upstairs, shortly after Tony's flight was scheduled to land. Gibbs set his tools down, listening intently as the footsteps moved from the kitchen to the stairs. There was a long pause there, followed by a heavy sigh as Tony finally made his way down. The younger man seated himself at the bottom of the stairs, tipping the beer bottle towards Gibbs.

"Thanks, Boss."

"Figured you'd make your way here tonight."

"So she called."

"Yeah."

"Wasn't sure if she would, at least not this soon. What'd she say?" There was a poorly concealed note of hope in Tony's voice, and Gibbs shook his head to hide a smile.

"Nothing I'm going to repeat, DiNozzo." Their conversation had been brief but emotional, and Gibbs had come away with a new ache in his heart, but also a sense of peace for his surrogate daughter. He hoped she'd find that for herself soon enough.

"That's fair," Tony sighed.

"Maybe someday," Gibbs allowed. "And I'm not gonna ask many questions about you and her, but if you wanna talk, I'll listen."

"You are a good listener," Tony said, more to himself than anything. His small, lopsided grin made Gibbs think he'd just missed some kind of inside joke. Silence descended as Tony alternated sips of beer with intense stares at the bottle and Gibbs got back sanding a piece of wood, keeping a partial eye on Tony as he worked. He could see the moment Tony finally decided it was time to talk; the beer was abandoned as he set his jaw and turned his full focus towards his mentor.

"I feel like I lost her again, Gibbs. And I know it's her choice this time, and that I willingly got on that plane, and that this is what she needs... all that crap, I know it. But it doesn't change the fact that I couldn't live without her before and it's only going to be harder this time."

"It's all in how you look at it," Gibbs replied. Tony rolled his eyes.

"Right, cliches will help. Chin up, the sun will come out tomorrow, it's always darkest before the dawn..."

"DiNozzo." Tony raised an eyebrow, letting Gibbs have the floor. "That's not where I was going with that. This is not like last time. You must know that, or you never would have left her side. Neither of us have to like this, but we both already promised to support her. She's gotta do this, whatever it is. You didn't lose her, and you don't have to live without her. You just have to be patient and let her figure out what she needs to figure out. And she needs to know we're here every step of the way, and we'll be ready for her to come home whenever she is." Tony stared at him for a long moment.

"I think that's more than you've said to me in the entire last 6 months combined, Boss."

"Got a yearly quota. Tryin' to get it out of the way." Tony actually laughed at that.

"That explains a lot." He picked up the bottle and started rolling it between his palms absently. "Logically... yeah, you're right. I know that. And when I left Israel, I knew it was what she needed. But then I spent hours upon hours sitting on a plane and it just gave me lots of time to rethink everything. I tried so hard, Gibbs. I want her to be safe, and I want her to be happy... I just wish she thought she could do that here."

"Maybe she does," Gibbs offered. "Maybe she plans to come back here when she sees that she doesn't need to be somewhere else to be happy."

"I just don't know what to think. She knows I'm on her side, but beyond that..." he trailed off, lapsing into a yawn. Gibbs worked quietly, giving him a few minutes to think things over.

"So how did you leave things?"

"Open-ended," Tony sighed. Gibbs raised an eyebrow, prompting him to continue. "She's gotta find herself, and I understand that. I really do. But whatever it is she finds, I just hope she can still find some space for me, too."

"Tony, I don't think she'll be able to close you out any easier than you could move on from her."

"I want to support her, but I also don't want to miss her every day. Is that too contradictory? Am I being selfish?"

"You walked away to give her time and space for what she needs to do. That's anything but selfish."

"I'm not sure how noble it is if I'm going to spend the next few years pouting."

"She needs something to come back to, DiNozzo. If you spend more than a week pouting, there won't be much of you left."

"One week. Noted, Boss." Tony grinned, and Gibbs saw some of the old spark coming back into his eyes. "When does that count start? Just for clarification."

"Right now," Gibbs replied dryly.

"Got it. In that case, I better go get some sleep. High-quality pouting requires beauty rest, you know."

"I'd think the jet lag would make it more effective, actually," Gibbs shot back.

"You're so wise, Boss. So wise."

"DiNozzo. Sleep. Go."

"On it, Boss." Half-empty bottle in hand, Tony started up the stairs with more energy than he'd shown coming down. As he reached the top, something else occurred to Gibbs.

"Hey." Gibbs waited for Tony to turn around, a quizzical look on his face. "I'm proud of you, Tony. I'm sure Ziver is too." It took a moment for the words to sink in, but when they did, a bright smile lit Tony's face. Gibbs waited, expecting the customary DiNozzo deflection in response. The sarcasm never came.

"Thanks, Gibbs. I'll remember that." Smile still in place, Tony gave a quick nod and disappeared up the last few stairs. Gibbs nodded to himself and let out a long breath. Yeah, they were going to be okay. It just might be a little while before they were all completely whole again.

* * *

_Title comes from lyrics to the song Everything, by Arco's Angel, which is definitely one of my T/Z songs:_

_You'll be my wave that rolls as the days were getting colder_  
_The way that we would break on the day that the world was over_  
_The prayers we prayed when the love started getting older_  
_The lines we'll retrace knowing I couldn't hold you over_  
_Though I want to... I wanted to..._


End file.
